fascinating.

yesterday, while with the boy and his father (thank goooooodness!!!and you'll see why in a sec) at the mall (to spend some of that birthday dough and such) i ran into a blast from the past.
this particular blast was not in my life by choice. he was not a good man. our family experience back then created chaos in my soul. he was a huge contribution to my perception of my body and what "should" be. he was trying to mold me into a particular kind of blond haired blue eyed beauty. i shiver to think of the things that were normal in my home because of him.
i haven't seen him in about 14 years. and yesterday brought a forced encounter, simply by way of logistics as we found ourselves unexpectedly face to face.
it was one of the creepiest moments of my lifetime.
after we walked away, it rocked the core of me as i processed through short breaths and tears followed by deep breaths quickly trying to compose myself and pull it together (after all it was my child's day). my freak out/pulling it together lasted all of about 15minutes. i had 2 comforting boys saying and doing all the right things, and it was perfect. i am raising a little protector of his momma that's for sure.

i have to say fascinating because i was almost losing steam in getting lean after a weekend of 3 birthday parties, and lots of food that simply should not have been (and no homework miles done over the weekend). i was disappointed and discouraged, and beyond nervous about my workout last night (i simply knew i would get my behind kicked).
but once i realized that there might be significance in that encounter, i got really motivated to do whatever i could to CHANGE. i want to be better. i wanted to work even harder. {i really wanted to be punching in my workout last night....and we did....and i rocked.:)} in fact.....THEgreat lady at my workout even commented on a tiny shift in my body!

isn't it funny how life works? i think i really needed that meeting. i needed to see that bad people really do not win. even in his attempts at convincing me "how amazing" his life is now, "how blessed" and "how excellent" (in his totally creepy voice, look, manner) his life is, i saw that in fact it was not. in truth it looked like he was living a personal hell. and that brought both comfort and sadness.

i'm sure there is more to learn from it, but i'm not quite there yet. if you know me, you know i'm still analyzing for sure. :)

i
really
have
no
idea
how
to end
this
post.
perhaps i'll just go back to fascinating.