sunday.

I am in an incredibly rare moment as I write. I am alone (as in not surrounded by every in-town family member in one chaotic, but fun and happy, moment). I have returned edified, strengthened and empowered from a most beautiful day at church. I listened to a musical number that turned me into a blubbering, red faced, paper fanning (to dry all those tears) girl. who knew I had so much emotion waiting for the right (yet all wrong) moment to spill from me?! i'll admit I was wanting my husband to be sitting with his comforting arm around me...and that made me cry more (I don't actually have many of those moments).

this holiday season has me all out of sorts, yet aware and working even harder to redirect the focus. it is beyond chaotic. I think it's because thanksgiving fell so much later. it seems to be a common feeling right now...I've yet to hear someone (unless it's displayed on some other happier, i've-got-it-all-together blog) share how calm, peaceful, focused and prepared (with gifts, cards, traditions, celebrations and such) they are this year. this evening I am going to recruit my family (in an act of service perhaps) to help me get my home in order. we haven't been here except to sleep (and you would die if you knew what time my 10 year old was plopping into bed) in 9 days. our needs and the traditions have taken over our world. I can say that they have full control over me, rather than the other way around. I'm in the process of renegotiating our family holiday happenings (the christmas ones at least).

one of the reasons I use my blog is as a source to connect with those in my world. I want to keep in touch and stay close. I particularly love it because I recognize myself as an emotionally needy girl (sometimes), and to spare those closest to me from needing to be my other half, I don't pick up the phone...you are already a half! I'm also aware that too often I don't pick up the phone. it exposes me. and I'm not so much okay with that.

but if you know me (and you do), you know my world is HAPPY with lists. and as I've been pondering the new year and getting so anxious to write the grand daddy list of them all: the resolution list, i am aware of my need to hear the voices of those closest to me, and to offer my own voice in friendship as well. i'm aware of it's necessary place on a line of my list.

I now only have a whopping 8 minutes left before I need to head back to the church for a quick meeting. am I going to clean? write a list? add pictures to my blog? what?! i'm closing my eyes. my red, puffy, overly expressed, emotionally exhausted eyes. this sunday has done that to me.

although it mostly has been tears of joy and gratitude.

happy sunday.