all BLACK&WHITE.

NO gray.

RATIONAL/IRRATIONAL

those were my 2 states for much of my morning.

i took my complex brain to the therapist (my appointment landed on a particularly perfectly crazy day) (crazy as in livin' the life of a loony lady...how's that for completely insensitive?)

so as I waited for her to come open the door to let me into the building (in a temporarily neutral state) I got a glimpse of my darn self in the reflection and felt irrational self swoop into action like a super (or not so super) hero. and so i turned my head (sadly in disgust) and saw a mess of bushes covered in millions of little leaves. i focused on them and boy did they jolt me back into neutral (I have no idea why...let's just be happy about it, k?). and then i wiped a little tear and got a glimpse of my fingernails...again that darn un-super hero came back, until I saw the leaves again. and then she opened the door. shew!

i calmly (totally pretending to be normal and chatty and bueno) sat down for my session. finally i explained (it felt like slooooooow motion trying to explain it in gray, cause black or white was trying to intrude) (have I lost you yet?). but i did it. i explained my dramatic self of either being really strong, determined, and going to get things done (almost in a military type way) or being really dramatic, hysterical, helpless, and falling apart (in a basketcase kind of way).

i even shared my confession and fear.....

me: am I losing it? you can be honest.

therapist: can I ask you a personal question? please don't think I'm sexist.

me: yes...

therapist: are you premenstrual?

me: yes.

one would think that after years of having PMS, you might just know that you are going to be a tad off, yes? seriously? seriously at 30 i needed a counselor to remind me when i'm PMSing?? i'll admit after our discussion i did feel a little less off my rocker. i'm back to gray, by the way. i like it there.