sigh.

i am on my way to goodness. 2 people...a bishop and his wife...just came into my home and by simply visiting lightened my world. i know with my plans for the year that challenges are going to present themselves even stronger than before (cause i'm quite serious about making changes, and with that comes opposition). and while i often think my "issues" are buried deep in me, i'm realizing they are just below the surface and beginning to pour from me (i'm ready to do some more work). from every possible angle i am being forced to address my issues...and that all started before i even made a move in the direction i wanted to go. and these last few issues consume me even when i don't know.

and while i'm rolling up my sleeves to do a little more emotional work (bring it on my sweet, beautiful therapist, stephanie is back in your office!), i'm also being counseled to just let go. the lord really is mindful of me. i know this. i trust him. and it feels good good good to know and say that. and i do know it with every part of my being. and because i know it i will do just that (trust him and let go). i think i was feeling like if i wasn't actively freaking out and pursuing the job/transition/where to next/details/and such (cause the and such is kind of important) that i would be a bum. i wouldn't be actively doing, and one cannot NOT actively do.

so a simple getting to know you conversation (i with the wife, my cute boy with the bishop) turned into a magical happy moment (dare i say even better than christmas!). actually, lots of magical happy moments. my son has a first real relationship with his bishop (and there are strawberries in milk with sugar sprinkled on top to prove it). and i listened to the wisdom of a woman who's been there done that (in terms of family struggles and such) and got it right. she's even anticipating a 40th wedding anniversary coming up and that was just unrelated icing on the cake. i'm in love with them. i'm kind of even back in love with my own life. i am happy to be a mother, to be parenting, to look back at the many things behind me, and about the many more ahead.

tonight i sit in the glow of them, of heavenly father for sending them, and of my own life i've worked hard for for my son and i. tonight i feel it...life is good.