last night i went all religious crazy girl on my nightmares.  this time i was in a fight for my life physically against some guy. he was actually a punk teenage kid in one of the youth groups at church (not our ward, for those that know what that means).  while his punkness does exist and in fact irk me in real life, this event did not really happen, obviously.  nevertheless, my heart was beating so violently in my chest that i could tell i was particularly worked up.  even in my dream i knew i was dreaming and i could calm myself down.  so i starting yelling in my thoughts...rebuking satan (i told you).  i told him i only accept things of God.  that i only live my life for Him and that he was not welcome even in my thoughts and dreams.  i went on until my heartbeat was back to a soft pitterpatter rather than the violent thumping, pounding, beating that was trying to take me over.  it probably took 45seconds.  i even remember in my sleep being surprised at how quickly it was working.  my body was still a little shaky for a short time after, but then i got to have a real deep sleep again (or was it finally?).

i saw on some rehab show a girl being coached to get herself out of her anxiety attack.  i suppose that's what i did.  it felt good to be in control and fix it myself(ish).  and so quickly.  and to say with conviction that i'm on God's side and he has my back, and to feel the truth in that.