i had a class.

my kids were taken away from me. (not in a CPSway, but it kind of feels like it sometimes)

i'm a teacher with no kids to teach.

i'm this fake teacher in the picture (above) only with no real children....except that they are real and in other people's classes. and i am really silently mourning them.

i go to work each day and sit inside my empty packed up(ish) classroom.

it's like i miscarried...my job.

there was the celebration, the excitement, and preparation.

there were the 5days of work...working to get these kiddos through 1st day/week jitters, through kindergarten excitement, and even through some firsts with scissors, glue, pencils and such. even the first 5days of molding them to kindergarten rules and routines.

then the news, the confusion, the grief, the push to move on, and the packing to make that official.

they've already been with their new teachers longer than they were with me.

my blip of teaching is becoming a thought of the past as we're coming up on the final day of week 3.

still no word.

can i get some children to teach?!

a teacher with no students is a yucky feeling. my dramatic self goes to "did I do something wrong and HF took them from me?" "am i not supposed to be doing this right now?" "but what about all my promptings TO be here right now? this school, these principals, this team, at this time?" "am i being prepped for a particular situation?" "is this HF at all?" "is this a careless mistake?" "is this a joke?"

and then i go back to all those rational therapy moments (from previous posts) and fill life full of those. cause this is no joke. it is quite real.

i'm going to bed.

and tomorrow is friday and i'll get to have another weekend without this in my face. shew!