can i get that video?

so a couple of weeks ago, i made a video.  a video that is worthy ofAFV...I'm sure of it.  only, i'm not totally sure i can get my hands on it.

preface:
i was on my late merry way to a church function, dropped off the boy at family's in hutto, ran by mum's to pick up something for the presentation i was about to do, and slipped into the local drugstore for a couple staple items i had been going without.  i wasn't past the time i was supposed to be there, but i was later than i wanted to be.  it was drizzling outside and it had rained off and on all day. 

event #1:
i hopped out of the car and briskly walked through the already open automatic doors welcoming me inside.  i took about 2 steps and found myself slipping (on the rain water tracked in) rapidly into lunge position...every muscle in my body trying to prevent the possibility of a fall.  now, when you go into lunge position the front leg bends, right?  well, in my beautiful slip and slide moment my own front leg stayed nice and straight landing me in the perfect position of a final gymnastics floor routine pose (kind of split-like).  my body was completely on the floor, my head was at my knee and my hair had flung drastically (tina turnerish) into my face and my arms were straight with jazz hands standing out for "balance."  pretty much it was one of my brighter moments.

i could feel the eyes on me...the ridiculous number of eyes.  just to my right was the register which forced paying customers to stand facing the door.  and just my luck there were about 11 people standing in that line (no i didn't count)...in time to watch my performance.

with that in mind (and cause it was such a big dramatic fall) i collected myself and stood up immediately with my hands high in the air (under arrest-like) declaring about 3 or 4 times "I'm okay! I'm okay! I'm okay!"  and giggling at myself I grabbed my first item on the shelf to the left of the entrance.  i was feeling thankful that i don't get embarrassed all that easily because that could have done me in.  but no...i was determined to make my purchases.  i was tender on the knee and certainly not going to even acknowledge the damage done to my body at this point, so i trudged on with a lot more caution and only semi-quickly now.  one item down, one item to go.

event #2:
chapstick?  make-up?  medicine?  i'm shaking and not thinking totally straight and still convincing myself that i'm not embarrassed.  cause i wasn't...thanks to adrenaline and such.  well, really i wasn't.  yet.  i walk through the main middle isle of the store and looked left through the isles as i passed them to see where the chapstick might reside.  i finally see a spot on the back wall and turn left to cut through the isle to get to it.  i'm confident now and much closer to getting to leave, so i pick up the pace. 
i get about 1/2 way down the isle and find myself REPEATING the events of about 2minutes prior (the whole front door incident part II) only much more dramatic.  I hit the ground hard, same jazzy lunge position, only my whole body hit much quicker (and did i mention harder???) and as my arms went flailing to catch myself i took out the whole row of light bulbs.  seriously.  not exaggerating.  i slid FOREVER.  i never thought i would stop.  skin came off of my knee...that's how long i slid.  i could not get control at all. 
in front of me was a couple...facing me.  we locked eyes the entire way down the isle.  if i could have any moment in the store it would be to watch my eyes/face in that 2nd fall.  i was so shocked and in utter disbelief!  my face...oh my word...my face.  i know my expression was priceless.  i know it's an AFVwinning face.  honestly it crossed my mind that i had been shot or something and couldn't feel the pain.  i wondered if something happened to me and i didn't realize it and i was throwing my body around this store.  it was a very odd experience. 
i stood up, now totally knowing i was hurt, but semi-super quickly inspecting my body for obvious ailments or causes to this.  i find myself declaring loudly "I don't drink, I'm not on medication, I'm just a girl trying to walk through the store."  the guy (of the couple) said "are you okay????" in a tone that i will never forget...the kind that makes me laugh even harder (now).  he finds the source immediately while the woman is comforting me with her own fall experiences.  i sort of hear them but i'm so flabbergasted and slightly convinced still that i've been shot or drugged.  there was a yellow puddle on the floor.  yellow.  awesome.  i stared at it trying to process...how could a child do that?  not possible?  an adult?  no.  i'm convinced it's a dog.  someones dog peed in the light bulb isle and i slid down the isle on it.  in my skirt.  on my way to be in a little presentation.  sweet.
he says, "that doesn't look like water"...i know.  we all knew.  seriously?

so i gather myself-ish, the couple goes to "tell" about the pee, and i take my determined-to-get-what-i-came-for confused self to the chapstick section and then to the counter.  the cashier is still freaking out over the first fall and i have suddenly lost all recollection of everything.  "I fell again.  Somewhere back there.  It was bad.  I fell again.  There's pee or something.  I fell again."  again i declare that i'm not drunk/medicated/etc and say i'm just trying to get my items...cause i was.  she asks if i want a manager, but i'm LATE now and all i want to do is get to my car and process (so, no).  i'm shaking, i'm hurt, my knee is traumatized, and i'm wet.  from pee.  i just wanted to inspect myself in private and cry and laugh cause holy hell that was an experience and i.must.process. 

i pay and i exit...more cautious than i've ever left a store in my life.
i sit in my car staring at my deformed knee (not internal, but totally bruised and swollen and funky...almost like a water retention mis-shaped kind of deal).  i'm seriously feeling like my vision/perception and reality are all distorted and off from each other.  so i stare at my hurting parts to make sure they are really what i'm seeing...scrapes and immediate bruises and such.  i remember once a lady had a wreck in the drive-in parking lot.  she was holding her bleeding child and running back and forth screaming at the other driver.  she lost it.  it turned out her child only had a busted lip, but she (the mom) had a broken collar bone.  the adrenaline and fear of blood on her child took her out of her own pain and reality.  i was kind of afraid i was leaving one of these situations, totally a distorted girl with real injuries.

aftermath:
after i pulled it together i laughed harder than i have laughed in a looooong time.  i cried too.  i cried cause i was hurting, cause i slightly traumatized myself and because i was laughing so hard that i was genuinely crying!  oh my word, how hilarious.  my face is what i picture most.  over and over and over...i wish i could see my face.  and the floor routine finish.  and the light bulbs being pushed frantically to the end of the isle by a woman (me) grasping for her life on the way down.  h-i-l-a-r-i-o-u-s.  i don't know that it is a winning video, but i know it would make a lot of people pee their own pants with laughter (hopefully not in an isle of the local drugstore).

reflection:
dear drugstore,
i will not sue you for your lack of caution signs or for your random puddle o' pee in the light bulb isle.  instead i'd like to chance my money winnings on the fact that i did a totally hilarious thing.  or i looked hilarious doing a totally awful thing.  and so because i'm willing to expose my slip-sliding self on television, i'd like you to simply hand over the video.  please?  can it be that simple?  oh, and can i ask a friend to come get it cause i kind of don't ever want to show my face in there again?  and cause i'm kind of nervous to walk in your store, yo...it's dangerous!  and cause my knee is still blue and green and recovering.  better yet, can you mail it to me?  okay, well you get the point. 
thanks,
the lady that fell a bunch of times in your store a couple of weeks ago