So, I dreamed last night. Perhaps it was because mom and I went to dinner yesterday and I was particularly drawn to 2 of the most beautiful sights in the restaurant…and so I brought my sleepy over-shopped self home to bed to dream of them. Never the less, I’ve woken up warm, full of thought, full of feelings I tap into only ever so often, and in touch with a very delicate side of me. It’s also the side that is content with putting clothes away, doing dishes, and organizing and such. I’m living for my family today. For myself, for my child, and for my husband-and-children-to-be. I know that the things I’m doing today are most important and it feels good to feel it, and do it without sadness or longing for more.

At the restaurant (Hut’s…you’ve got to go) there was a booth which contained a man and a little girl sitting across from each other. Clearly it was a daddy-daughter date night. And they were talking and talking and talking. He was practically laying on the table with his head propped in his hands completely engaged in this probably 6year old dream of a girl. She sipped her milk shake and talked her dad’s ear off. He asked her questions and told her things. And they talked the night away. And I watched on in the shortest spurts…cause a girl can only take so much without the floodgates opening. I appreciated that dad so much. I loved the wise wise choices being made in their family (even the one to have that particular night together), and even without knowing them. I loved that THIS is what that girl knows. I imagined how healthy and full her life must be knowing that kind of love. I felt so happy for her, and for her parents. And I felt so grateful to be in the category of parent. I love that we have the power to make those kinds of choices. I love that we can help enrich someone’s life…really, give them a great foundation in which to build their own little lives based on what kinds of choices we make. What motivation! If I could draw, I would sketch this little “couple” of the night for you. Instead you’ll just have to picture them…or dream of them if you choose.


As I write I feel the spirit of the season seeping into me. I feel good. I feel my break from school allowing me to feel happy, joyful even. Time away from the 15 has made me appreciate them a little more. Perhaps I will be renewed when I go back to them.

So I suppose now is where I share the next booth. It happened to be just beside the other so my eyes fluttered back and forth often. This booth contained a couple. A young, married couple. They were chatting with a friend sitting across from them. The boy sat on the outside and he caught my eye first. Skate shoes, jeans, a light camel zip sweater with a light blue vintage snap button western shirt, brown hair, adorable (matching) brown glasses (the rectangle ones…you know?) that sat on his cute cute cute face, and a funky silver wedding band happily wrapped around his finger. To his right sat a girl who clearly represented the other half of him. Her light blond hair was in a low short pony tail with perfectly swooped bangs that laid perfectly on her pretty, little make-up/chapstick-wearing face. She wore an army green boat necked shirt with a big light camel scarf trendily wrapped around her neck. She also wore a bright shiny, beautiful ring wrapped happily around her finger. It was certainly the style that initially drew me to them, because clearly they had perfected coinciding their “we go together” fashion existence. They weren’t fancy, they weren’t even stepped out of a magazine or store window…but they were adorable. They were a perfect combo of him and her…and I saw myself in them. So they might not have been the couple of the night, but they were the couple in my eye. The couple in my head. The couple I wonder when (not if) I will be. I know nothing about them other than their description, the way they sat together through dinner, the way they chatted it up for a couple of hours with a friend. I imagine them in their young married life making those choices that would help them and their family. They are living, and working on their foundation. I could fast forward their time to the next booth over, and I felt so excited for them. I could fast forward my own life a few years and see their booth. And then again, the next booth over. It was all a great happy empowering feeling of life. Life is beautiful. It’s hard and complicated, but it’s beautiful. I loved seeing them. I loved feeling them for a bit. Cause I could. I could most certainly feel them.

And as I laid my head down I dreamed of my own growing romance. New, fresh, young. The entwined fingers, nonstop talking, and indescribable eye contact. I could see a face, but it was only a proxy. I woke up engulfed in the reminder that I want that feeling. I forget. I want the idea, but I forget that I want the feeling, too. I suppose it might all be worth the risk after all.

So this morning, I am living for my family. Not my 15, or my extended family, or even my church family. But for those in my home, and those soon to be in my home. This morning they are making sure that I feel them, and know them in some way. And so I’m paying attention as I fold and put away and feel.
Happy Christmas season.