thePLUNGE.

i will confide that the 12 pounds i thought i had gained since August has been a bit overwhelming to me.  my clothes fit differently, my feet are THROBBING, and i can't seem to wrap my brain around eating right...i'm the extreme of too much/too little and all the wrong choices.  not to mention i don't feel all that grand. 
so a trip to the doctor with a quiet plea for help landed me on the scale to reveal my acutal 25 pound weight gain since August.  25. 25 25 25 25 25.  holy hell.


i am on the bandwagon of some other attempt to get me in gear and have decided to make a video diary of it.  only as i watched my first video, i saw a neck on top of my neck.  it wasn't the chin underneath my chin that got me, but the whole neck on top of my neck.  wow. 


i'm feeling a little toxemia looking right now.  only i still see me when i look in the mirror.  ME.  my same face i've looked at all my life.  but in pictures and now video, i only see a resemblence of me in this swollen self i've become.  i had no idea what you people are looking at when you look at me!  is it weird that a part of me almost feels apologetic?


i'm hoping for a reveal of something a little more me-like.  i'm hoping to watch the transformation of ME talking to myself (via video diary), rather than this girl who's holding my true reflection hostage. 


weight is an obvious thing, so we'll see now, won't we?
here's to taking the plunge...